Rayees Shah
While it may be considered normal by Western standards or the ideals we aspire to in our lives, a heartbreaking story from Ganderbal district has sent shockwaves through the Kashmir valley, leaving residents deeply saddened and grieving over the incident.
Mohammed Subhan (name changed), an elderly man from the central Kashmir district was abandoned in an old age home by his eight children, last month.
Speaking to The Kashmiriyat, a local from his native village, said, all three of Subhan’s sons and five daughters are well-settled in their lives, with one even serving as an Imam. His two sons live in their own houses at their ancestral village some five kilometers away from Ganderbal town while one of his son lives with his in-laws.
“Earlier,” the local said, “Subhan was living with his elder son. As the elder son’s family expanded, he abandoned Subhan, leaving him in the care of the son who was living with his in-laws. When this son’s family also grew, they, too, left Subhan, who was then taken in by the youngest son, a laborer. Subhan lived with his youngest son for about eight years, but last month, after a disagreement, the son kicked him out of the house.”
Subhan was then taken to a nearby old-age home, where the caretakers have been looking after him well.
“It’s unfortunate that none of them had the capacity or willingness to provide for their father’s daily needs. He doesn’t require much—just the basics. He lives simply, without any vices,” the local said.
“Subhan’s wife passed away a a long time ago, and since then, he has been struggling alone,” the local continued. Despite the hardship, Subhan never asked for much. He always maintained his dignity, even when things were tough, the local said.
The locals have expressed profound sorrow and condemnation. “It’s heart-wrenching to see how Subhan, who dedicated his life to raising his children, has been left destitute by those he cared for. This incident has shamed our entire village,” said another resident, expressing collective outrage over the situation.
“Subhan’s plight is a stark reminder of how we’ve strayed from our values. It’s disgraceful to see a man who gave his all to his family ending up in such a dire situation. This is not just about one man’s suffering; it reflects a broader erosion of our moral and familial responsibilities. Many of us are deeply affected and feel compelled to reflect on our own duties towards our elders,” Shahid Dar, another local expressed.
This is not the first of its type incident in the Kashmir valley.
On April 2, 2021, a heartbreaking story surfaced in a few news portals in Kashmir but was largely ignored by most media outlets across the region. On that day, elderly parents were thrown out of their home by their son in Kupwara.
Ghulam Mohiuddin Sheikh and his wife Aisha Begum had lovingly raised their son, providing him with everything he needed to become self-sufficient and earn a living. However, as he grew older, their son forced his parents into homelessness, leaving them to wander like vagabonds.
The distressed parents said, “We married our son, hoping he would start a family and build a new life, but we never imagined he would change so drastically. It has been eight years since his marriage, and in all that time, he has not spent a single penny on us. He has beaten us, our two married daughters, and even abused our son-in-law multiple times.”
His mother, her voice filled with pain, added, “I wish we had never had a son. I raised him with love and care, sacrificing everything to make him independent, but in return, he has robbed us of our home and left us as homeless beggars.”
Videos of a man or his wife thrashing his elderly parent are common on social media. The elderly are too frail and ill equipped to withstand the assault. These incidents can happen in front of your neighbours’ eyes at times.
These are daily occurrences that go unnoticed until a neighbour or passer-by reports them. Both sons and daughters, and people of all social strata, commit violence against their parents. Some do it for financial gain, while others do it because they are unable to care for their elderly and bedridden parents and others do it to shed “burden” off their shoulders. The elderly’s physical inability to fight back is the primary basis for violence towards them.
According to experts who deal in such matters, Domestic violence is more common among the well-to-do than it is among the poor. They say parents do not reveal the torment they are enduring because they are ashamed of what is happening to them and what others would say.
They often fear retaliation and may not disclose the incident to the authorities. However, law is meant to support people in circumstances where they have summoned the fortitude to go to the police or seek legal assistance.
A painful story came from the Kothi village of Udhampur where parents were thrown out of their home after their sons grabbed the family land on 15 April 2022.
The elder couple stated that, “We give our land to our sons so that they can live happily but we never knew that they will throw us out from our own house and made us live on the roads.”
The poor mother said, “We always wanted to have a son not a daughter but now we regret it, because now our daughter and our son in law take care of us. I wish his own children does the same thing to him that he did to us. Our God, the Almighty Allah is seeing everything.”
A survey on the subject found that 87 percent of elders in the 70-80 age group complain of isolation. And that happens even when they are living with family, at home. They just find themselves shunted off to the back bedroom.
Senior Kashmiri lawyer Advocate Syed Mujeeb u Rehman who handles such cases is worried over the alarming rise in such cases. Speaking to The Kashmiriyat, he said, there are a very large number of such cases in present day Kashmir. “But”, he said “Very few are coming out, as most of them feel like these matter should remain inside the four walls as such cases may harm the prestige of a family and they do not want to compromise with it.”
He feels that there are certain reasons to such alarming rise in the cases where the children do not help their elder ones. “There was a time when people live in a joint family, but today’s generation wants privacy. They want to live in a very less noisy environment so they prefer a short family. The generation has become self-centered. The love and affection towards each other in the past does not exist now,” Advocate Mujeeb said.
“We have forgotten the preaching of our prophets, our elders. We are now following the westernization that our own beliefs have sunk into it.